I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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