They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize