so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
