I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
