you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
