i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
