My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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