I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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