We need to rekindle our bromance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
