you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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