I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
