Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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