so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
