can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
