I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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