i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
