no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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