Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
