Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
