Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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