...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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