He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
