i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
