OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
