friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
