Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
