Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize