I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
