Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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