i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
