she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
