I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
