im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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