I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
