i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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