you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
