dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
