he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
