dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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