1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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