So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i love accidental penises.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
