But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
