Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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