I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sorry my hands just texted you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
