i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
