my sisters under your porch take her home
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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