I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
