Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You are a genius and a whore.
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