You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
