VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
