...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize