i need an iv and a liver transplant
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
