You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
