It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
