The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is wine microwaveable?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
