Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
