I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
