it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize