And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
