1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
