I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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