yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
